But, Mama, this is pink — it's not for boys!

A less-traditional family and chocolate eggs

For the past few days, I've been spending this time reflecting on the fireside chat I had with Sharon Peake from Shape Talent last week. As part of our company's Global Diversity Awareness Month this year, we spoke about gender privilege and bias — two topics that are very close to my heart. Lately, though, I've been experiencing some doubts when it comes to gender stereotypes in my children.

But let me give you a bit of background first. Those of you who know me and are familiar with my diversity and inclusion newsletter know that I spend a lot of time reading and talking about — among other types — gender biases and gender stereotypes. So, when I became pregnant with our first child almost five years ago, I knew we were going to be very conscious about gender stereotyping. After all, we don't fit the "traditional" family setup when it comes to gender roles anyway (I'm a working mother with a STEM degree, and my husband and I share the household chores equally — although he's definitely the better cook hands down). We now have a boy and a girl who both play with dolls and trucks equally, we watch our language, and we’re selective when it comes to which books to read and which shows to watch.

So, can you imagine my surprise when, two weeks ago, my son rejected a chocolate surprise egg, citing that it's pink and, therefore, must belong to his sister?
So, what happened?

Photo by Christine Siracusa on Unsplash

Around every corner — pink versus blue

Well, every day, we as individuals are bombarded with an overwhelming amount of information, and so, to make sense of it all and the world around us, we stereotype, putting things and people into boxes we can neatly arrange and organize. Oh, you’re a woman? You must have children and love the color pink. You're a man? You love tools and the color blue. Of course, it's much more complex than that, but in essence, that's what our brains do.

And it's very difficult to get away from it, no matter how hard you try. Even if you're very conscious in your own home, toy isles in most shops are split by gender, many TV shows and children’s books reinforce gender stereotyping, and it’s hard to find kids’ clothes that don’t read something like "Daddy’s little princess" or "King of the castle." While this kind of stereotyping might not do immediate harm, the moment we act on it, it impacts us and the world around. This starts with children and can be a huge challenge during education, not to mention later on in the workplace.

When I was a kid, I was very interested in physics and science. I can remember one Christmas, I asked my parents for a physics experiment kit, and my parent's friends (who were around that day) commented that such a thing "isn’t for girls." Luckily, my parents didn't really care about this comment, and I got my kit. It became one of my favourite toys for a long time, and it taught me so much about mechanics, electronics, and magnetism, which later helped me at school and with lots of DIY projects I've completed since.

When I went to university for a science degree, so many people again commented how my choice "wasn’t a job for a woman," and there were only a handful of women in our class. During my studies and when I started working, I experienced a lot of benevolent gender bias (referring to seemingly nice compliments from colleagues or decisions from leaders, for example, that, in the end, stop women from growing further — this is a great comic about the topic, by the way) and, of course, microaggressions. Microaggressions can be, for example, name-calling, sexist (or racist, homophobic, and so on) jokes, overtalking, invalidations ("Don’t be so sensitive!"), and the like — some of them are intentional, some are not, but they are always harmful.

So, what can we do?

Challenging our environment — things we can do

It's tricky, I know. I work with this topic on a daily basis, and I still do catch myself stereotyping and being biased sometimes. And, of course, as I saw with our son, there are lots of external influences that we can’t control. I know that awareness can help though, and I truly believe that we can make a difference together. That's why my husband and I will continue to work hard to raise our children to have open minds and be inclusive of all people, regardless of their gender, sexual orientation, race, generation, and so on.

And in the workplace? Well, there are lots of things we can do, such as the following:

• If you witness people gender stereotyping (someone saying that "women are bad drivers," for example) or being biased ("This is a challenging task that needs a lot of empathy and sensitivity. We can't hire a man here — he wouldn’t know how to handle this!"), call them out. I'm very direct when doing this (I’m German, after all!), but you can be subtle as well.
• If you're in a privileged role or position and see people being excluded because of their gender, race, or similar, make an effort to be their ally. Support them and speak up (but don't speak for them).
• Don't just assume, ask; for example, women with children are less likely to be seen as suitable for a job that requires travel. But maybe she has a working system in place and is happy to do so.
• If you’ve managed to advance in your career, that's great! Now you have the chance to help others follow you — in the words of Édith Piaf, "when you've reached the top, send the elevator back down for the others."
• If you're not sure about your own biases, there's a great tool that I love called "Flip It To Test It." #FlipItToTestIt was created by Kristen Pressner, an amazing woman and HR executive at Roche Diagnostics, who realized her own gender biases and decided to do something to address them (watch her TedX talk here). I use this to ask myself, "Would I act or feel the same if this person was the opposite?" (Meaning of a different gender, race, nationality, and so on).
• If you're an employer or leader, it's up to you to make sure your environment fosters diversity and inclusion and, if needed, to put policies and practices in place to support this. Have a look at your data — can you see any biases when hiring, developing, or retaining people? Can you see any pay inequalities?

What about if you're at the receiving end? Here are a few things you can do:

• Speak up. I know this is difficult (actually, I think speaking up for yourself is much harder than speaking up for others), and I'm certainly not a master at it, but I still try to tell someone if a certain situation affected me and how it made me feel.
• Look for support and talk to people who have had similar experiences. If you have ERGs (employee resource groups) or similar offerings at your company, consider joining them.
• Depending on the extent or severity of the treatment, report it to your manager, to HR, or to your company's discrimination hotline.

Chocolate is chocolate — what's your story?

Going back to the surprise egg event, I'm happy to report that my son ended up changing his mind after less than a minute — it was chocolate after all. But with us adults, it’s not that easy, and we have to make a conscious effort.

So, I would love to hear from you — have gender biases or other forms of stereotyping impacted you or others you know? If so, what helped you overcome them? Please share your views and tips with us!